kitsune

My love for you will always remain, for this big heart of mine can love infinitely. I hope, no matter the circumstances, you feel that my love is still yours. I am not used to feeling like this. It hurts thinking about what I dislike. But I can't stop. It's like the dark thoughts are consuming me. It's so exhausting. I'm just another broken fucked-up girl that is unable to deal with reality. I do not deserve anyone. I do not deserve to be loved. No matter how scared I am or fear to be abandoned I deeply love you with all my heart and mind and never want to leave your side. I am so confused, I'm filled with self-hatred and I don't know what to do! Many times, for a long time I have been thinking about ways to disappear and never be found. Recently, I have been thinking about that again. Going to a place where no one knows you. You are nobody. You solely exist. You never stay at one place too long. No responsibilities whatsoever. It's just you and the freedom. A traveler with no certain destination.  

When I first saw you I thought I must be dreaming. You were like a beautiful painting that I admired from afar. That first time we talked, just the two of us, I tried avoid looking into your eyes because there lied the truth but god it was something impossible to do. I still recall the feeling you gave and how I didn't want you to leave. I'm wondering if we were ever strangers. I'm not sure we were. There was something even then, though I didn't know what.
I never thought that soulmates could possibily exist and was nothing more than a mere definition behind an old concept. And from that moment I knew that I wanted all of you. Your kisses, your warm hugs and that smile I see in your eyes and the way they light up when you get happy. I love to be with you when the sun gives way to the stars and when it returns to reignite the colors of the daytime. Feeling your soft touch on my bare skin when I wake up in the middle of the night while you pull me closer gives me a sense of affinity and I couldn't feel any more safe when I'm with you. I'm so happy to have met you, and I'm scared too. There is such joy and pain. I've never wanted any form of eternity until now, I never saw the point. So stay and don't be scared to keep holding onto my hand. Falling in love with you was like entering a house and finally realizing I'm home. When you smile at me I feel invisible hands wrapping around me, making me feel safe. When your eyes are locked on mine, it's like I can see galaxies instead of just pupils. I know you are my first but what I really wish in life is for you to be my last. Thank you for putting so much trust in me by giving me all your love, knowing your own fragility. You never leave my mind, you're always there; mentally if not physically. I keep falling in love with you and each time is harder than the last. Every time the feeling gets deeper, more complete, more bewitching. Don't ever think you have to ask for my affection because you don't, and you never did. I'm the happiest I can get when I'm with you and if not you still manage to bring the best out in me. I love breathing in your sweet cologne and resting my head on your shoulder. Thinking about being apart from you makes me feel incredibly heartbroken for you have become the air I breathe.




[I will stay as long as you love me. You will always be a part of me and I will always keep you close to my heart. Thank you so much for teaching me what love truly is and showing me the beautiful side of the world.]